I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
