is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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