you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
