Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
