P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
