Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
