im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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