i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
