Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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