I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
