cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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