1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
