Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
