He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
