My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
