I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
