i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
