That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
