Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize