Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize