I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
