Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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