I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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