Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
