can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
