Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
