dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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