I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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