our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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