Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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