I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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