We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
