Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.