you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
