you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
