your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize