I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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