This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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