It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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