I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
