I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
