Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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