I need help removing her.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
