So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
