Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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