i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
