saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
