she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
