marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize