i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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