I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome