What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.