he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER