Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring