I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.