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Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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