i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
