We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
