ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
