i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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