kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
