so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
