I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
