writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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