i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
