well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The uberlube is also flammable
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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