I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
