Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
