I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
